Firstly, apologies to anyone still reading this blog for the complete radio silence. between the pandemic and then work getting crazy busy, I haven't had any time or motivation to write anything.
I can't promise that I'll be back posting with any regularity, but in honour of Pride month I wanted to share something I wrote for work.
This is something I haven't spoken openly about. Technically.
I've previously said that I was straight, even though I've always known that I wasn't, and a large part of why I did that is an almost textbook example of biphobia. I've only ever been in relationships with men, so for all intents and purposes I appear straight. I could've embraced my identity sooner, but previous attempts to do so were met with challenges and disbelief because I haven't had a female or gender non-binary partner, snide comments about bisexuality not being real, about it being something for attention, etc.
Even members of the LGBT+ community, who I had thought would be more accepting of me, have made invalidating comments and made me feel like until I had had relationships with people of different gender identities I shouldn't call myself bisexual, that I needed to 'prove' myself first.
So I had contented myself to just identify myself as straight until a time comes that I find myself in a relationship that would warrant a personal 'rebranding'. This was way back when I was in my late teens/early twenties.
I never felt like I was 'in the closet', it was just something that didn't come up.
Then in early 2020, the oneLGBT+ network where i work reenergised, seeing membership grow, with members supporting each other during the struggles of the pandemic as well as taking on the challenges of helping to improve inclusivity in the workplace. Thanks to my day job, as well as initially joining oneLGBT+ network as an ally, I was able to see this work develop and gain traction.
I also got to know one of the co-chairs of the network, Craig Calvin, well, to the point that I can say we've become good friends. It was during the development of this friendship that Craig was able to give me a fresh perspective.
I've been so open and honest about other aspects of myself (autism, mental health), that the omission of being bisexual was more noticeable to those few friends who did know. I spoke with Craig several times about this, explaining my thinking behind branding myself as straight when I wasn't, which basically boiled down to not wanting to be made to feel as though I had to 'prove' my sexuality, that people would use my relationship history as a reason to dismiss me.
I won't put exactly what Craig's response to this was, as this is a workplace blog and there may have been some curse words, but it can be summed up as "so what? No one else should get to tell you who you are, and you don't have to justify it to anyone".
It is because of the support from Craig and a few others that I started talking to during this time, that I decided I'd stop lying about my sexuality for fear of being challenged on it.
My first step was a small one; I went updated my protected characteristics information on the work systems .
My second step was both bigger and more subtle; when I attended the Diverse Cumbria Awards in September 2021, representing my employer and supporting our BAME network who had been shortlisted for an award, I did so with the bi pride flag colours (pink, purple, and blue horizontal stripes) displayed, appearing on me in every photo taken on the night, and openly posted across my social media accounts. I didn't mention anything in the comments on these pictures, I didn't feel the need to. It didn't feel like I was 'coming out', I was just finally owning it as part of my identity.
I suppose this is my third step, openly discuss it on a work blog. But I'm not really writing this for me, I'm writing it because it is just one example of the positive impact our oneLGBT+ network has had, because without that network I wouldn't have met Craig, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to see the level of openness and support in the LGBT+ community now compared to over a decade ago.
I guess I'm writing this to share the importance of LGBT+ networks, groups, spaces, and Pride itself.